Serenity

I have a new friend. His name is Dan. Who what where why when how not important really. But he has described in his blog, our relationship as "a bubbly and serendipitous" one. I thought about that at the time that I read it and thought - yep - we are lucky to have met. But, I think its more than that. Serendipity, as I understand it, and you KNOW I looked it up, is being lucky enough to find something don't know that you need when you don't know you need it and aren't really looking for it.
I found a friend who I didn't think I needed. But that I want. He, likely, and I am speaking for him, doesn't need me around - he has his own friends. And that's just pretty cool to me.
I spend a lot of my life doing things out of obligation - whether real or imagined. I'm the kind of person who sends emails thanking people for coming to dinner parties that I give. I don't wait to be thanked - I thank in advance. I always write thank you cards for gifts. I always remember birthdays and Christmases, send presents for the kids teachers and live a life based upon polite obligation. Sometimes it can be a bit much but, at this point, 41 years down the road, its part of who I am.
Obligation to me is not an affectation either. I don't do it for attention or return of that duty but I do it the same way that I say bless you when someone sneezes - its automatic.
Those of us who live our lives in politeness tend to be the world's great givers. We LOVE to take, don't get me wrong, but it gives us far more pleasure to give. We are the world's volunteers, the designated drivers, the responsible ones, the ones to be relied upon.
Getting back to my new friend Dan....for the first time in my life I feel no responsibility or obligation to another person - just like for no reason or happenstance. Not in a mean "I don't care what you think or what your needs are" kind of way but in a really good way. In a " I honestly do - care what you think" kind of way. Its very freeing.
Not that the rest of my friends, and you know who you are- should feel that I am dissing them for not being my serendips! No way! I truly believe that people in your life are there for a reason - each person that you meet has a part to play - and for that matter, as do I in their lives.
And I'm sure that there is someone out there saying - good God girl - do you really need more faggots in your life? Well, you know, unless I am going to put "must be fuckable" on my friend application, I don't see how it matters. I think for me, that too is just a happenstance.
What I'm trying to say is getting more complicated as I try to explain it. Every person you meet -every person you know has a place and serves a purpose - then someone comes along who doesn't fit - who doesn't know all your stories, doesn't already know your weaknesses, doesn't know who you really are already. And you get to re-tell your self and all the stories about yourself as you introduce your self to the new person. You get to be excite,d because someone likes you the way you came prepackaged with the label torn off and one corner missing. And its okay because you don't owe them anything. If they don't like it they can walk away - and so can you. No obligations.
It may be a stretch to bubbly serendipity but the reason that I feel so lucky is that I often feel so loved and just as often feel so unloved. This person - this friendship - it comes obligation free and purposeless and free of encumbrance - and for this I am grateful and excited.
Serendipity.
Turns out I am an excellent judge of character.