Seeing Double

I have always been a binge drinker. Not something to br proud of, I'm sure, but - hey - its what I do. I only drink when I'm with my friends and then I drink to wild excess.
I have fond memories, all be them hazy ones, of getting drunk on jello shots with Lindsay and Doug back somewhere between highschool and real life. My parents were away. We were at my house. And it was winter. At one point we ventured out into the snow and walked to the cenotaph - it was one of our fave places to go. And since it was Stratford, my memory is of snow up to my ass. At some point that night, if not another - again *HAZY* we put Doug in makeup like the pretty girl he is.
A few years later Lindsay and I were summer jobbing at A&W. No, it wasn't 1952, it was one of those retro things. And most nights - we would meet at Bentleys in downtown Stratford. We would then order double vodka tonics until closing and I would stumble home drunk because I only lived 3 blocks away from the bar. Lindsay would mo-ped home to Shakespeare on the back roads drunk out of his skull. (This was way before the whole push not to drive drunk.)
I have vague recollections of many drunken parties. One in particular, I got totally trashed and went up to some guy from work. I started saying "when we get married - what will we name our kids?" We went through all kinds of stupid names blending both of our cultures and ended up with stupid names like "Shenaynay-Jane" and "Harmetha-Sue". Many years later when we did get married and have kids, we amazingly didn't consider any of those names - perhaps its lucky we had boys.
I also remember one drunken pride day - trying to keep up to the boys - beer for beer - and I NEVER drink beer. I managed to keep up - however my vague memories for that day include taking my shirt off in the middle of the park to show everyone my kick ass bra and kissing many many strangers. My friend would approach a cute boy and say "hi I love you" and kiss them and then pass him to me and say "have you kissed my friend sandra?" and I would kiss them too. It was great. Later that day I was half carried from place to place and amazingly managed to subway and go train it back to the burbs.
It was following the collossal fight after that particular pride binge that I decided not to mix my binge-friends-drunk with my home-family-sober. But, lately, my home-sober is becoming my home-tipsy.
I'm sure it's the stress or the unemployment or the cancer or the constant ever present fear of disappointment and loathing but, whatever it is, I'm drinking more often. I'm not paralyic or anything but its odd for me.
Last week AND this, I emailed drunk. I think that is a BAD BAD SUPER BAD idea. I must write myself a post-it and stick it to the computer. "Are you drunk? Don't hit send!" But, I don't think it was a total disaster - yet! At least I didn't look up old boyfriends and say "you know what your problem is........?" And now, I am blogging drunk. Likely again, not a good idea. Whatever. I can always delete later. We'll get to the bottom of this shift in drunken patterns together I'm sure.