Pride

I was sitting in Union station - waiting for the GO train home to suburbia last weekend after a fun fun fun day of pride filled activities with my friends. Approaching me from accross the station was a little gay child about 19 or 20 or so. He sat down beside me and we started chatting. He told me this was his very first pride - and we talked about what he had seen and how he had enjoyed himself. And in my head, I'm thinking - HOW THE HELL does he know that its okay to just come up to me - middle aged woman with kids and start chatting about his gay-ness and fun homo fueled activities? I know I have quite the most developed gaydar on the planet but how the hell could he tell that from accross Union station at midnight?

Oh. Right. I'm wearing a bright pink "its okay for me to drink at pride" bracelet. Well, that explains a lot right there!

Ali and I continued our chat on the train ride home. We talked about art, photography and his struggle to come out - apparently its not easy being a gay Muslim.

About half way to suburbia, he said to me: Are you a fag hag?

I had a conversation with my friend earlier that day about the role of the fag hag and how it has changed throughout the years. Back in the 1980s fag hags were essential to the inner sanctum of any group of gay men. We were your wedding dates, prom dates and accompanied you to all things where you needed to hide your homosexuality (i.e. work christmas parties and family reunions). As the years progressed, with the "will and grace"-ing of American and more importantly Canada, covering up became a mute point. Why cover up?

As gay right progressed and the country grew to accept the gay couple down the street with their kids and two cars, as the second cup steps were torn down and homosexuals were allowed to marry, there no longer was a need to hide. You could be out at work, at home and with your family. The role of fag hag ostensibly disappeared.

But Ali wanted to know if I was one - so I asked back - "why would you ask me that?" And he replied "well, you were at pride, you don't look like a dyke, you're wearing a wedding ring and you're fat."

All of these are very valid points and totally true. If that is the criteria he is using for someone to be a fag hag then yes. Yes I am. I wonder though - to him was fag hag less about being a "beard" and more about being a fat hetero girl with gay friends? Perhaps now adays a fag hag still exists but she has a different purpose or meaning. I can't say because I don't know.

I said good bye to Ali on the train and went my merry way into my own suburban hell. No matter what role I had that day, I had a good time.