Aint it good to have friends?
Current mood: nervous
Category: Life
Once I went to a party and buzzed the apartment buzzer - and a guy answered the buzzer. Gawd he was funny. So funny. I ran up the stairs to the apartment to see who it was and I haven't left his side since.
Its rare to find someone who you love who loves you back. Sure he's gay but frankly, who these days isn't?
My best friend tells me when I look like crap and when I'm being a bitch. Honest without hurting me. He also loves me unconditionally and always takes my side as any best friend should. He was my best man of honour or whatever we called it. They say if you leave your best friend behind at the alter you married the wrong person - I'm not sure that's true - cause this way Rick and I never argue about money or sex.
Rick will be my kids guardian should my husband and I ever be killed in a horrible accident. Cheery thought eh? But seriously - I hope my kids learn from him how to live a life without compromise. Do what makes you happy - always follow your heart - take joy where you find it.
Everyone should seriously be so lucky as to have a friend like mine.
I even remember where my head was the day I wrote this - a year ago. I wrote it because I felt alone. Like I had one friend in the whole world who loved me and cared about me. I felt rudderless except for my one person pulling me home and reminding me of who I actually am and where I was supposed to be.
I was afraid to make new friends and meet new people. I didn't think they would like me - I wouldn't fit in. I was so comforted and comfortable with who I knew liked me that I just didn't think I could cope with new folks.
Last year, I won the lottery, of a fashion. I brushed mortality as we walked in opposite directions down a narrow hallway. We, as Canadians, apologized as Canadians so often do. And we went our separate ways.
I collected a few things on that walk. Some healthier self esteem. And a mother load of new friends.
Now some people don't believe that friends you have only on line have the same value as "real" friends. And I disagree. I have a healthy mix of both - some crossovers and its worked very well.
As a matter of fact, I had lunch with a bunch of people I used to work with the other day. And while I wouldn't have ever called them friends a year ago in my semi-self indulgent ruderlessness, I don't know what I would do without them now. They love me for "the loser that wears flip flops with a suit if I can get away with it" that I am. And not a lot of people will accept shit like THAT! Then they tell me that I'm dead inside and we all hug.
These are friendships totally out of my comfort zone and character. But if you don't stretch - you don't grow.
I grew around the world this year. Virtual strangers helped me cope with my life as best as virtual strangers can.
I have a hard time getting to know people. I really do. No. Seriously. It is hard for me to just be myself. This year I forced it. I joined the PTA. I met Moms and Dads and didn't act like someone else. I just was myself. And I think they liked me. I made friends and I was proud of myself for - again - pushing out of my comfort zone - I am part of a group. Not the leader - not the boss - just part.
From rudderless loser with one friend to joiner - group member - cyber friend. And I lost nothing. What was I afraid of? Whatever it was - lets hope it passed. The blog still holds true - he is an amazing friend - my best friend - and I never would have busted out without him.
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