Ho Ho Holy Crap

I am a good gift giver. Yep. Thoughtful and generous I always strive to get JUST the right thing.
Well, I try anyway. Lets see....
This year, I gave the mother in law slippers and gloves and a cookbook. Thoughtful? Sure it is because usually she complains that we all spend too much - this year - I obviously didn't! The slippers are the ugly ones she favours - and the gloves are old lady servicable isotoners - just the way god intended. As for the cook book? Well, if I didn't give her something to complain about she'd be disappointed - wouldn't she?
I gave the sitter a gift certificate for the only restaurant in town that doesn't make her "violently ill" or that she hasn't gotten food poisoning from. It was hard to find one but I, being a generous and thoughtful gift giver, did just that!
Other friends I will give their gifts in person. I will go to their house and I will let them belittle my house (they used to live next door). Then I will appropriately oooh and ahhhh when they show me all their new things. I will marvel at their giant tv. I will even say, just to be extra nice, "I wish I had one of those".
I will ignore the fact that their 17 year old is so stoned he can't speak properly. I will pretend that I've forgotten that their 14 year old daughter tried to commit suicide last month. And I'll even bring a pie.
The gift I give to them is that of feeling superior. It seems to make them REALLY happy. So, thoughtful and generous gift giver that I am - I will give that feeling to them freely and without asking for anything in return.
I don't normally give Christmas gifts to my friends. There are some exceptions but really - I just don't. I'm also bad with birthdays.
I tend to give gifts whenever I find them. Again - that's the thoughtful part.
So, having said that, if you are one of my friends and are waiting for me to give you a gift card from HMV - its unfortunate but you may be waiting for a terribly long time. Sorry.
To counteract this - I apparently am a very difficult person to buy for. Which I find just horrifying.
My Mother first told me this when I was a CHILD. What kid likes to be handed a wad of cash and told that they don't receive gifts well? Its disturbing.
My husband can't buy gifts - so he always asks me what I want. This has robbed me of my will to want stuff. I have learned just to be happy with what I get. Even the year that I ended up with slippers and a crock pot didn't suck that bad. Okay well it did. It really did.
Gifts are funny though - aren't they? - I think its all about the balance of power. The giver begs for approval - "oh I've tried so very hard to please you" and the getter gives or removes approval at will. Power struggles.
What does Shakespeare say?

for there is nothing either good or
bad, but thinking makes it so

Maybe I should just stop thinking so hard.
Generous and thoughtful my ass.