Today I washed the walls in my house. I didn't think that they would be particularly dirty but they were. From what? Dirty children hands, the odd candle burning and time. My question today is this: 
Does everyone wash their walls? Why have never heard of this practise??? I mean other than the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser commercials for when your kids draws on the wall with crayons, non erasable markers or paint with their own feces? (And by the way, that's what I used to wash the walls - thanks Mr. Clean - they truly are magical!)
I don't remember my mother EVER washing the walls of our house. She did laundry; sometimes washed the floor and occasionally bullied my brother or I to vacuum. But never, not once did I ever see her or hear of her washing the walls. To be fair, until I was in high school we had red velvet textured wallpaper all through the downstairs of our house -and that probably would have been a bitch to wash.
Did Mr. Clean revolutionize the world of cleaning or is washing the walls one of those things that we just don't talk about like: after you have surgery your wounds can pop open and what to do when you have diarrhea and are vomiting at the same time?
And, for that matter - why are there things that happen to ALL of us that we just don't ever talk about? Why don't we talk about wet farts, hiccuping and burping at the same time and day dreaming? We all do it. I'm sure we do.
So here: let the clean walls of my house be your inspiration - send me your stories about what people just don't talk about - sandra_fletcher@hotmail.com. Lets talk about them here. Clean walls and all.
Does everyone wash their walls? Why have never heard of this practise??? I mean other than the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser commercials for when your kids draws on the wall with crayons, non erasable markers or paint with their own feces? (And by the way, that's what I used to wash the walls - thanks Mr. Clean - they truly are magical!)
I don't remember my mother EVER washing the walls of our house. She did laundry; sometimes washed the floor and occasionally bullied my brother or I to vacuum. But never, not once did I ever see her or hear of her washing the walls. To be fair, until I was in high school we had red velvet textured wallpaper all through the downstairs of our house -and that probably would have been a bitch to wash.
Did Mr. Clean revolutionize the world of cleaning or is washing the walls one of those things that we just don't talk about like: after you have surgery your wounds can pop open and what to do when you have diarrhea and are vomiting at the same time?
And, for that matter - why are there things that happen to ALL of us that we just don't ever talk about? Why don't we talk about wet farts, hiccuping and burping at the same time and day dreaming? We all do it. I'm sure we do.
So here: let the clean walls of my house be your inspiration - send me your stories about what people just don't talk about - sandra_fletcher@hotmail.com. Lets talk about them here. Clean walls and all.
3 comments:
Thank you. You have successfully distracted me from working. i have not one, not two not 7 but 15 scripts before me, yet here i am.
Things we don't talk about. My favourite: Farting. People fart daily. Think for a moment, about your "Farting at work rituals". Do you squeeze your butt cheeks? Do you go for a quick "walk" and let the fart slip out. Do you go outside? Now...imagine the snootiest person at your work: Stoneface. Bitch from hell. Sitting there, squeezing their buttcheeks, trying not to break their stone cold exterior by showing how TERRIFIED they are of lettin' one rip, audibly. It makes me giggle forever. Endlessly. Just because i know people fart DAILY. Me - I take a spin (we are kind of a circular building, so you can walk around) and if it so grips me, i go for a quick "run" to the photocopier machine, while i slowly let my fart ease out, and then quickly leave the cloud of my fart behind me for someone to walk into - after i am far out of sight. and i know others do it too. I walk into countless phantom farts on a daily basis. but because of our layout - it's fart-confusion...no one knows who's fart is who..but honestly - why are we so hell bent with the fear of GOD in us about farting? it's air. yet so help me god, if i ever farted in front of my work, i'd probably submit my letter of resignation the next day. by email - because i'd be too humiliated to show my farting face. I would be, of course, the only human in the entire HISTORY of earth's existence to EVER fart.
the practise of washing walls stems from the 1950's where husbands freely beat their wives out of a manly sense of duty (as women were frowned upon if they finished their housework too early in the day)...once the housework was finished, which usually was about 1030am, the wife wondered, 'what else should i do that would please my pants wearing husband and would prevent me from getting a beating?...pumped up on valium and gin martinis, the wife dutifully got out her sponge and bucket and headed for the walls, any wall...after scrubbing for a couple of hours, the kitchen and behind the toilet would sparkle just like like the ice in her drink...satisfied with the outcome she eagerly awaited the arrival of the husband to see what he thought of this new chore she added to her list of wifely duties...the husband was thrilled by the shininess of the walls and all was good in the suburbs of that night...this is how the washing of the walls began...out of boredom and a sense of wifely duty to please the husband...
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