The Price of Gas

So Dan insists that we talk about farts since he thinks he is the ONLY person who has ever farted in public ever in the entire world (see the comments on my last blog).

I live in a house FULL of testosterone. I have two sons and a husband and all have been blessed with the Fletcher Family Flatulence. In our house farts are funny.

But, those aren't the sort of funny fart stories I've decided to tell here today. My kids fart. My husband farts and yes - Dan, as he told us in his comments, also farts - I assume although I have not experienced his farts myself.

But my point is that girls fart. Girls fart just like boys - loud and proud - in public and in private - at home and at work. We do. I swear. All kinds: silent, smelly, loud and proud, wet and juicy - all kinds of gas.

A friend of my cousin Amy was getting married a few years ago. She and her future husband had been living together for years - and they had 2 kids already - marriage was just really a formality. She and Amy had the big "heart to heart" after the bride started to have second thoughts. How did she know that the two of them would stay together? How did she know that he would be a good Dad? How did she know that this was the right guy for her? Why, she couldn't even "pass wind" in front of him.....What? She couldn't what?

She had been with this guy for years - lived with him - had babies with him (so undoubtedly allowed his penis to enter her at LEAST twice!) but she couldn't/wouldn't fart in front of him. She told Amy that sometimes it was PAINFUL to hold it inside. She would rather live in pain than pass wind out her ass in front of a man who she had seen naked.

My point is - everyone farts - everyONE of us. But this strange girl saw farting as something exceedingly private - something to be kept to herself - or more than that - something to be kept AWAY from someone else. To what end??? Pain? Freedom from embarrassing sound.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me - but will sounds? Gas? Wind? Smells?

She worked through her jitters - married the guy and had 2 more babies with him. I wonder every time I see them if she lets them rip now - surely to heaven she saw sense. She does seem very tense though...

My mother was a very proper person. She would NEVER ever ever have farted in front of strangers - she kept her farts especially for home and her family!

It's hard to describe really. My mother would pass gas - always tiny sharp sounds - we called them "toots" as kids. When she tooted she would laugh - "OH!" - like it was a surprise to her. When she laughed she would toot - and the whole process would repeat itself over and over again! I remember practically rolling on the floor in hilarity as my mother killed us with her powerful stink. Its still funny.

So there you have it - everybody farts. Some of us loud and proud wherever we are and some of us in secret to hide our humanity from our loved ones. Its just gas people - nothing earth shattering. Well, sometimes it is....