Who Knew?

Today was errand day for me. You know those kind of days where you leave the house before the stores even open - just to be the first one there - to rush through buying your share of crap so that you can get finished and take your crap home when everyone is just waking up.....?
That's the kind of errand day it was.
At Best Buy I lied and told the cute little homosexual pimply faced returns clerk boy that I had no idea what happened to the Wii game. "It just stopped working" I said with a look of bemused ignorance on my innocent face. "My sons are very distraught!" Which was true. The part I left out is the part where wayne sat the game on top of a lit candle and burned it. Um yes. We'll just forget about that part. I said thank you - have a great day as I ran for the car before they sussed out my liar vibe. OOOOOH!
I went to Old Navy. I went to Walmart. I went to Rogers Video. I bought a new BBQ at The Superstore. I got gas and bulk foods. And then I went to the grocery store.
And as a I wheeled my shaky cart up and down the aisles of No Frills, bemoaning the price of bread and looking for soy based proteins, I saw a vision in the frozen food aisle.
There. In front of me...with her very own cart...was a giant vision of Cher inspired loveliness....it was a humongous almost 7 foot tall black drag queen!
Now, I am an oddity among humans and have seen many things in my life time that many people will never see......but if you have never seen a drag queen in the middle of the day, it can be a horrifying experience.
With the drag queen, I find that all things are exaggerated. Bigger hair, taller shoes, MORE make up than one human needs, longer nails, more (fake) cleavage, all big big big.
This was the harsh fluorescent lighting of Tom's No Frills in Ajax, Ontario - population 80,000. This is not a pretty place for a glamazonian man lady to be. This was unkind.
But as I approached her, and instantly my head began to think up names for her, I thought to myself, well, even a drag queen needs to eat!
BTW: potential names, Nofrills Mary, Gimmea Banana, Alotta Foodstuff....I know I'm bad at this!
I have friends (and even more acquaintances) that are professional drag queens. They get paid to perform - men dressed as women - glamourous glorious OTT women. They are ALL fantastic. I doubt any of them would do their shopping in 6 inch stilettos!
Then I thought with horror....oh no....no no no no no...what if its a woman?? An extremely ugly woman with no fashion sense, no common sense - no sense at all? I know I see an Adam's apple and giant hands...but what if what if?? Please no.
Please let it not be an ugly woman! Please let Tom's No Frills have a giant drag queen shopping in the frozen foods!
It makes getting out of bed to run errands at the crack of freaking dawn on a Sunday morning TOTALLY worth it!