Humbug Ho Hum

I don't HATE Christmas. The holiday itself doesn't offend me - but, quite seriously, there are so many things about the season that bug the shit out of me, it would almost seem that I do.
Today we went to the Santa Claus Parade in Toronto. I LOVE the Santa Claus Parade. When I was a kid, I watched it on tv. When I lived in Toronto to go to University, I went alone. When I lived in Toronto and had friends, I dragged them along. I even forced my parents to come and bring my cousins when I live right at Christie Pits. I love that parade.
I love that they use the same costumes and floats year after year after year. In person the colours are super human - super flourescent. If you watch on tv, it looks normal - but really, its not.
Pink pinker than pink.
And rightly so.
And who doesn't love the upside down clowns? In fact, this is the FIRST year that Ben noticed that the upside down clowns have eyeholes in their asses. At 9, its starting to lose its magic for him. I swear to you, it will come back!
The Christmas that I don't HATE didn't begin with the parade though. It began yesterday at Loblaws where I fought to get the last two carts available in the store apart for me and some old Papi. They were fused. I had to wait for some poor sap to unload his groceries into his car before I could get a cart. WTF? It is NOVEMBER?
Walmart was a zoo yesterday. People had carts full to overflowing with crap. Toys toys toys.
The kids have started their Christmas Whine. Gimme gimme gimme. And we encourage this by having them write letters to Santa asking for STUFF. Everyone at school, on tv, who calls wants to know what STUFF they want. Always. Gimme gimme gimme....
Bah Humbug!
Because we are SEASONED Parade go-ers, we knew to park and take TTC to the parade. BUT we had to walk through the mall to get to and from the car. The mall was INSANELY busy. We were all starving - and I wouldn't stop at the food court. Too many people too many lines too many too many too many.
I couldn't take my hands off of Sammy - paranoid as I was that I would lose him. In the subway, Sammy, who's had I did have, and I got on to the car. Wayne and Ben did not. We had to wait for them at Kennedy. Sammy sobbed uncontrollably on the super jammed subway car "we lost Ben and Daddy" the whole way there. I'm sure that made everyone else's trip as enjoyable as mine.
And don't even get me STARTED on the radio station that plays only Christmas music from November 1 to January! What the hell? Its like nails being driven not only into my ears but my psyche....I hate is so very very much. Mariah Carey has no place in a civilized society. Even worse - today I heard Rod Steward and Dolly Parton murder "Baby its cold outside". Make it stop.
But, Wayne loves this station. As soon as he gets in the car, on it comes. If I even try to change it he says "Why do you hate Christmas"?
I DON'T!
Wayne wants to buy a set of deer made out of lights for our front yard. This would be in addition to our two 3 foot high candles that say "NOEL", lit bushes, garland and bows and light up candy cane walkway. As I SCREECH "no way!" He says again, "Why do you HATE the holidays?"
I swear to you I don't!
Last year I had 6 parties in 7 days between Christmas and New Years. I was scheduled within an inch of my life. This year, only 5. Much better.
If I don't bake cookies, I stand the chance of being harrassed by both my mother in law and Wayne. Last year, I made 12 different kinds and made gift boxes of cookies for neighbours and friends. Do you think that any of them guess that they are cookies motivated not by love and good wishes but by guilt and intimidation?
My Mother was the Queen of Christmas. This year, I promise you all, I will NOT try to compete with her. I will NOT let Alan Jackson's version of "all I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth" drive me to a homicidal rage. I will not pressure myself into making fudge. I will not buy my kids way too much out of a combination fo guilt and confusion. I will relax.
Breathe. Just Breathe.
I do not hate Christmas.