Table for One

There was a Pity Party at my place tonight and everyone was invited! Woo hoo - although I didn't see any of you there.
I got dumped/dissed/practically stood up. And if any of you ever wonder why I don't have girl friends, this is why (and before you start bitching - you don't count - you know who you are)!

I was supposed to meet the girls from work - well, technically where I used to work - at 7pm tonight. Massive amounts of emails had been exchanged as had messages on MSN and Facebook. Much to-do had been made. Then one cancelled on Wednesday. There's always one.

So today in the afternoon, I took as shower and blew my hair dry, which frankly, nowadays, is a rare occurance. Not the shower, but the blow dry - what am I blowing my hair dry for when I have no where to go? I put on makeup, brushed my teeth and used the rarely used mouthwash (again, not that I'm a pig, I just hate mouthwash).

I put on pants - full lenght pants, not capris (again - tres rare nowadays) and put on shoes that were neither flip flops nor crocs. I wore jewellery. Okay, well, I always wear jewellery - but I wore jewellery that matched my outfit. I looked quite presentable as a matter of fact.

So 6pm rolls around and I still don't know where, specifically we are meeting. I text. Nothing. 6:15 rolls around and I call - voicemail. If I am to be two towns over by 7pm I need to leave at 6:30. At 6:25pm I get a call - "yes well, can we reschedule - see we both have other stuff to do and well another time would be better...you understand - okay great."

No. Not okay. Not great. I don't go out much. Ever. And I was really looking forward to grown up drinks in a bar with people I like who aren't my family. And no, I'm not okay. I'm sad. Really desperately so.

So, I decided since I was all dressed up I should go out. My husband refused to go with me. You see, he had already started making taco meat and he wanted to watch Family Guy re-runs. I was refused for cartoon reruns and ground turkey.

I will go to the movies then - cause I like the movies and I will go alone. I used to go alone all the time before I was married. Why not? I'll tell you why not. Because I live in suburbia and no one does anything alone. The megaplex was packed with couples and groups.

I chose a particularly depressing movie on purpose so that I could cry. And I did. I cried like the lonely loser I am into my giant bucket of salty popcorn and jumbo diet coke. Oh yes I did.

I don't want to be a loner. I don't want to not fit in with the other Moms. I don't want to have, as Rick says, 4 best friends, none of which live in the same area code as me. I don't want to have relationships by email and fax and phone and text message that leave me feeling cared for and appreciated but more than just a little empty and alone. I want people who love me and enjoy my company and want to be with me. I don't want to be less important than reruns.

So yes. Pity Party. One night only.